The Power of ADHD

As long as I can think back, I have struggled with the symptoms of ADHD.

I just didn’t know that this is what it was.

As a child in Mongolia, they called me ‘little worm in sweet cream’ - the one who could never sit still, who has a million and one questions all at once and never has the patience to wait for the answers. My caretakers were at their wits’ end, as I would forget everything and loose everything. Chaos. One day, I even forgot my entire schoolbag and had not the slightest clue where it was. My mother still thinks that I lost her prized diamond ring, which I don’t even remember receiving from her as a gift.

Also, I was mostly bored at school - always distracting other students with my antics, but I was also very smart. People had a lot of expectations of me growing up. ‘She will probably be very successful!’

I believed that, too…

Little did I know about the challenges that were ahead of me. My diagnosis came way later in life and thus my success. About 3 years ago, I was told that I have ADHD. First, I didn’t take it very seriously - nobody really took it seriously when I spoke about it.

…it’s just an imagined illness… made-up by the pharma industry… if you could just a try a little harder, focus a bit more, control yourself better… if you could just be a better person…

I literally thought that my ADHD symptoms were my personality. Bad aspects of my personality, which I tried to suppress, iron out and hide as much as possible.

I was terrible at time management. Turns out, time blindness is a symptom of ADHD. I was also constantly forgetting things, sometimes losing myself inside of my own apartment. When it got really bad, I simply couldn’t make it out of the house. When I was close with other people, I would completely forget about my own goals, tasks, do-to’s - my own needs. I would completely get sucked into their lives and their problems, abandoning myself in the process - over and over again, day after day, month after month and year after year.

When I did manage to be alone, I simply couldn’t get myself to do things that I had to do to live a normal life of responsibilities. I only had energy and power to tackle things I didn’t like, when procrastination was not an option any more. I relied on the pressure coming from the outside of myself. The cortisol levels were so high, the consequences so drastic to my well-being that I HAD to do these things: study for exams for boring subjects, turn in papers, write my master’s thesis, pay bills and do taxes. Or I simply failed and collapsed under the weight.

My capacity to procrastinate was and still is to a certain degree absolutely phenomenal.

This made me believe that I was simply unfit for society.

So procrastinate I did. But - during the time of procrastination, I would read a million books, watch a million movies and series and immerse myself into the strangest, most out-there topics and subjects previous human work had to offer. My mind was a like a vacuum, or even like a Pitbull locking its jaws into whatever interested me. I obsessed myself through entire public libraries, music archives and movie rentals until my eye sight suffered and body atrophied.

I was driven by the strange feeling that THERE MUST BE MORE to reality than what I was told there was. I couldn’t make sense why the world was the way it was and I was being forced to do things I didn’t want to do.

Why was I so unacceptable, unemployable, insufferable?

I knew from my Mongolian heritage that there were shamans that can travel into the spirit realms and make contact with beings outside of our ordinary reality. I knew from my early martial arts and chi-gong training, that there exists more than just our bodies and that we wield a certain energy that I could feel, see and mold. I knew there was more, a lot more out there…

Turns out, ADHD people have the capacity to hyper focus, when something captures their interest! Uncovering the secrets of the nature of reality got me hyper-focussed to a degree, I could not eat, sleep or use the restroom to stop what I was reading or researching. My nervous system was already fragile from growing up with the trauma of being a pain in the ass and its consequences, but the mad hyper-focusing drove me to use and abuse my body to the brink of collapse.

I would burn out, over and over again. Spend hours and days sleeping when I crashed and once I had energy again, I would ride myself back to the brink of exhaustion, following my excitements, immersing myself into people or other extreme situations that were emotionally, mentally and physically engaging but also often damaging.

Then, I finally burned out completely.

I used up my considerable energy trust fund I received at birth completely and utterly to a agree I couldn’t get out of bed at all. Every interaction with anybody became incredibly taxing, my energetic boundaries were non-existent and I would take on every issue and ailment that was floating around me. I would be sick constantly - depression, fatigue, flu, bronchitis - you name it. I became incredibly stuck.

On my quest for recovery, I got deeper and deeper into healing modalities. I needed to fix myself. The world was crumbling around me while my own world was falling apart.

Finally, being recognized as ADHD really, really changed my life.

The more I looked into it, the more I realized how much these symptoms have affected my life, my relationships and my wellbeing. Once I could make sense of all of it, acknowledge the extent to which I was impacted, I could make an important decision:

I would learn to manage my symptoms and consciously use the superpowers it gave me without destroying myself.

I would thrive - tremendously!

As, I am putting myself back together again, I am feeling like a brand new person - a new version of myself with a greater consciousness and awareness, that has inherited the life that the previous version of myself had lived. I am now on a journey of untangling all that had been.

I had lived my life like a toddler that was driving a Ferrari. Superpower, super speed - but no executive function. I realized that my physical body and all its attributes including my conscious mind, my focus, my emotions, my intuition were highly fine-tuned precision instruments, that are capable of unbelievable feats. Not just physical, everyday, Newtonian reality ‘cause and effect’ feats. No.

I was highly sensitive, severely empathic and super intuitive.

All my knowledge and abilities I had collected around all things spirituality came to the forefront. Out of the primordial chaos that was my earlier life, full of highs and lows, I emerged as a deeply knowledgable and capable person with tons of life-experience, extra-sensory abilities and knowledge of the realms beyond the consensus reality most people experience on this planet.

I learned how to clean my energy, how to take care of my body and how to create the outside conditions to manage the disruptive symptoms of my ADHD mind. I learned about how to alchemize emotions, track and follow trauma throughout generations and ancestry and release the hurt and pain. I learned how to recharge my energy, recalibrate my nervous system, draw boundaries - how to have a structure that truly enhances me and supports my dynamic.

Having a custom daily ritual in the morning and the evening is the KEY!

Currently, I spend half of my day preparing and priming for success and performance for the rest of my day. My morning and evening rituals and practices support my adventures during the day, while I live physical consensus reality in my body and during the night, while I live the quantum life outside of my body.

These rituals, tools and tricks also help me merge these realities together, allowing them to inform one another and supercharge my recovery. And! they expand my capacity to hold space for other people, who are going through similar experiences.

‘Ascension symptoms’ - as the new age community likes to call this experience - are no joke!

I am almost compelled to say, that ADHD might be one of the indicators for a soul with a big mission, learning the ropes of linear time-space reality. Ripe apples to be plucked and with the right tools and techniques, they can be quickly put on the right track to transform themselves into their highest potential and taking on their rightful role in this world.

An ADHD mind naturally works simultaneously on multiple tracks of multi-dimensionality. The wave form aspect of reality might be more familiar than the particle reality experience though the linear mind. It almost feels like squeezing yourself through a pinhole to function properly in the physical space and the initial impulse is to try to escape this experience.

Nowadays, I have so much appreciation for this opportunity to be a human on this wonderful planet, having inherited such a miraculous body that allows me to see, hear, smell, taste and touch this world. I am so grateful for colorful experience of being able to feel the broad spectrum of nuanced human emotions and experience connection and love as well as disconnection and confusion. I embrace it all. To think of the amount of courage and strength it took for my ancestors and parents to survive and thrive to gift this body, mind and spirit to me is staggering and nothing short of awe inspiring.

I am so, so grateful! Thank you for my life! Thank you for this opportunity!

Wrapping up, I admit that my spiritual awakening may not have been as clean cut as many other healers and energy practitioners may share, but I really feel that my messy story has tremendous power, when it comes to empathizing and relating with people of all kinds of walks of life, who are waking up themselves.

I can say that I have been there, done that and this is how I got out. I know the road and I have the map. I know you are in pain and suffering. I know where your tears are buried and I can help you to set them free.

I can support you to set yourself FREE.

Welcome to my blog. My Quantum Travel Log.

My experiences as a wave and as well as a particle.

My raw, imperfect, authentic self - exposed, naked and powerful.